Let’s be honest: as parents, our phones have become our lifelines. Whether we’re managing work emails, keeping up with group chats, or just trying to sneak in a few minutes of TikTok (no judgment), our phones are always within arm’s reach. But while we’re scrolling, texting, and swiping, our kids are watching—sometimes wondering when they’ll get our full attention. So, what’s the real impact of all this screen time on our kids, and how can we strike a better balance? Let’s dive in.

Just How Much Time Are We Spending on Our Phones?

First, let’s put things into perspective. Studies show that, on average, adults spend 3 to 5 hours a day on their phones. For parents, that number can be even higher—closer to 5.7 hours daily. It’s not hard to imagine how quickly that adds up between work emails, social media, checking the news, and Googling “best toddler tantrum hacks” in desperation. But as convenient as our devices are, this screen time often eats into the time we could be spending with our kids—face to face, no distractions.

How Phone Time Affects Our Kids

We might think our kids are too busy playing or watching TV to notice us glued to our screens, but the reality is, they’re paying more attention than we think. Here are a few ways our phone habits can impact them:

1. Emotional Disconnect

Kids, especially younger ones, rely on their parents for emotional security. Eye contact, facial expressions, and those little moments of connection are how they feel safe and loved. When we’re constantly looking at our phones, even during family time, it interrupts that bond. There’s even a term for it: “technoference.” It’s the little moments of distraction caused by technology that get in the way of real interaction. Research shows that 48% of parents admit to regularly using their phones during family time, and 32% say this causes friction with their kids. Over time, this can make kids feel less important or ignored.

2. Setting Screen Time Habits

Kids are sponges—they soak up everything, including our screen habits. When they see us constantly on our phones, it teaches them that this is normal. In fact, studies show that 42% of kids under 8 already have their own tablets, and 25% of kids aged 4-6 are spending over 2 hours a day on screens. Our kids are learning by example, and if they see us glued to our phones, they’ll likely follow suit, which can lead to their own issues with screen time down the line.

3. Communication Skills Take a Hit

When we’re busy staring at our phones, meaningful conversations with our kids become harder to come by. It’s not just about talking, but about listening—really listening to what they’re saying, which helps them feel heard and understood. But when we’re distracted by texts or emails, those conversations don’t go as deep. According to studies, 36% of parents feel distracted by their phones during conversations with their children. This affects not only our bond with them but also how they learn to communicate. Kids who don’t get enough face-to-face time may struggle to express themselves or pick up on social cues.

4. More Stress and Acting Out

If kids feel like they’re competing for attention with your phone, they might start acting out to get you to look up. A 2018 study found that kids with parents who were frequently distracted by technology showed more signs of behavior problems—think tantrums, crying, or even defiance. It’s not that they’re being difficult for no reason—they just want attention. And from a parenting perspective, it can be stressful trying to juggle both your phone and your child’s needs. It’s a cycle that benefits no one.

What Can We Do About It?

Now, I’m not here to suggest we throw our phones into a lake (though, some days, that sounds tempting). The goal is balance. Here are some practical, realistic ways to reduce phone time and strengthen our connection with our kids:

1. Create Phone-Free Zones and Times

One simple change is setting up phone-free zones at home—like no phones at the dinner table, or making bedrooms a tech-free sanctuary. You can also set aside “no phone” times, like an hour in the evening before bed. This helps you be more present, and your kids will notice that they’re getting your full attention.

2. Practice Mindful Phone Use

Mindfulness isn’t just for yoga—it works for phone use, too. When you do need to check your phone, try to do it intentionally. Instead of mindlessly scrolling, set specific times to respond to messages or check social media, and try to avoid doing it during quality family time. This way, when you’re with your kids, you’re fully there.

3. Lead by Example

Kids mirror what we do, not just what we say. By showing them healthy phone habits, like limiting screen time and prioritizing face-to-face interaction, you’re setting them up for better tech habits. You don’t have to be perfect all the time (no one is), but showing them balance is key.

4. Get Creative with Tech-Free Activities

Make it a point to plan activities that don’t involve screens. Go for a walk, have a family game night, or dive into a fun DIY project together. When kids see how much fun they can have without screens, they’ll be less likely to rely on them for entertainment, and you’ll all feel more connected as a result.

5. Prioritize Connection

At the end of the day, the most important thing is connection. Even small moments, like a few minutes of undivided attention, can mean the world to your child. It’s these moments that build trust, love, and emotional security. So, whenever possible, put down the phone, make eye contact, and show your child that they’re your priority.

Finding a Healthy Balance

The truth is, smartphones are here to stay, and they’re an integral part of how we live and work. But by being mindful of how much time we spend on our phones—and how that time impacts our kids—we can create a better balance. It’s not about giving up our devices completely, but about being present when it really matters.

As parents, our children don’t need us to be perfect—they just need us to be there, fully engaged. And that means sometimes putting the phone down, looking them in the eye, and giving them the gift of our undivided attention. In the end, the connections we build with our kids will always be more important than any notification or app on our screens.